Tuesday, August 19, 2014

August = Crazy Month

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Lol, that's the perfect way to describe my birthday month (August):  amazingly good and intolerably bad.
  • First, at the end of July and into August, I was hospitalized for a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).  This is my third time this year with it, all due to the rectovaginal (RV) fistula that I have.  Some stool leaks through the fistula and ends up causing the infection inside my bladder.  Since I have had c. diff about eight times in the last few years and had a fecal matter transplant in April to cure it (the only three antibiotics strong enough to kill c. diff stopped working), we didn't want to mess up my gut flora.  I don't absorb pills very well at all due because of Crohn's and gastroparesis.  We usually try a month of 3-4 different, ineffective antibiotics, cause a flare of c. diff, and then hospitalize me to get IV antibiotics.  This time, my amazing PCP, Deanna Tolman, just had me admitted after a few days of antibiotics so that I could be on them for as little time as possible.  I spent 5-6 days there and was released on a Friday evening.

  • Six days after being released, I had surgery to remove a piece of the inside of my labia because a flat mole down there kept growing back and becoming more and more atypical/abnormal/pre-cancerous each time.  The last time, when I had it just removed in their office, they couldn't get the lidocain deep enough so I felt them cut and cauterize the wound (just a tiny, 1 cm incision).  So this time, I had it done under sedation because it was an inch and a half incision stitched up.  I couldn't wear tight pants or even underclothes for a few days because anything touching it was very painful.

  • Finally, some good times!  The Wednesday following the surgery, we had a family reunion with my immediate family (I am the oldest of 10 kids, three of us married, two with a baby each).  We went to Steamboat Springs and stayed in a large house together.  It was AWESOME!!!  Some of my family members had some exciting news, and we all got to spend time together.  We played games, hiked, swam, and even did mani/pedis together (Mom and the older girls).

  • The day after I came back from the family reunion (Monday the 18th, yesterday), I had a surgery to plug my RV fistula.  It was supposed to be simple and relatively painless, but it turned out that the fistula was on the base of the sphincter muscle and near a bunch of nerves.  It was so painful (and no oral meds work on me) that I went to the ER and got admitted for pain control (I am at Sky Ridge right now).

  • On Thursday, I will have my next Remicade infusion.  These are so similar to chemo, that that's what my insurance company calls them on the Explanation of Benefits.  I always feel crummy for a few days afterwards.

  • Next week is my birthday on the 26th!  But Phillip is going to be out of town for that whole week.  I am going to miss him just so much!!!

In spite of all of these things, I am extremely grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I could not have gotten through all of these trials without Him by my side.  I KNOW that He is real, that He loves me, and that all of these experiences are for my learning and to grow closer to Him.  I am grateful for His patience with me and love for me.  I don't deserve it, but He loves me anyway.  At times I feel alone and am hurting, I can literally feel His arms around me, hugging me, and helping me to move forward.  And He is there for each and every one of us.


  1. I disagree with something you said in the last paragraph. You deserve all the love your husband gives you (and he would give you more if it were humanly possible and you'd deserve that, too). With all the health problems you struggle with, you still keep a smile on your face and face life bravely. You definitely show me how wise it is to rely on the Lord to make up the difference when you need more strength than you have. Keep being you. I love you!

  2. When I was going through incredibly difficult times due to Crohn's recently, I too felt the Lord helping me along the way. At times I was upset and I really wanted to give up because of how bad the pain was. I am even afraid of going through it again. But I know He was by my side, and somehow shared a few songs with me in my dreams.


Please share your opinions with me!